“Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her”
Ephesians 5:24-25 (ESV)
The entirety of chapter 5 in Ephesians is a wonderful chapter to learn from, and short to read, I would encourage all to read and reflect upon it. These two verses come to mind though, regarding a particular principle that I think can be seen intrinsically in the way a healthy marriage should be.
The natural tendency of mankind is to go against that which is healthy and good. Here that would mean for women to want to be stubborn and insist on their own way; disrespecting their husbands. For men it would mean being cold and without affection and understanding towards their wives. But in the regeneration of spirit we have by being in Christ, we can see how natural and good it is to pursue a marriage where behaviors are modeled after Christ.
Is it not fitting that a lady should have respect, and maybe even some awe towards her husband? This would incline her naturally to want to submit to his leadership, knowing full-well that he has her best interests in mind, and would not hesitate to die for her. This is how the church (all of us) view Christ, who did die for us; but that yields an awe without measure and a reverence we can never fully achieve in this life. Marriage, done in a godly way, is a dim but beautiful metaphor of what our relationship to God is.
In the same way, a gentleman should have a deep affection and fondness for his wife. In a human context, this is made easier when she does well by him. But it is certainly possible to do regardless, for love is a choice and it is not based on conditions or circumstance. Think of how often we fail to respect God properly, and yet his love does not waver towards us. And the result of that love? Our hearts soften, we are moved back into a longing to do right by God, as much as we can with our feeble human efforts; and praise be to God that our efforts are not what count, but the righteousness of Christ in us.
Ponder this, love is a gift from God, in every way. The romantic love we have in marriage is a picture of His love for us. Marriage should be a beautiful thing, a romantic notion perhaps, but also a biblical notion. I think it is worth striving for the marriage that brings joy; which is a simple matter if we remember that the bible clearly tells us how to have one, and also that our foundation for joy and peace will always be Christ alone. He may add blessings, but they must never take His place as the most important love in our hearts. Soli Deo Gloria.
The Role of Man and Woman: The Intimate Marriage by R.C. Sproul
Happened upon this sermon and found it to be the perfect message to go along with my intended point. R.C. Sproul was a blessing to us. As a man, I appreciate how he phrases things, "Now I'm not so sure that's a privilege, so much as it is a weighty, weighty responsibility." He explained my heart on this issue better than I could.